China to ban all corporations acknowledging the existence of Hong Kong

Xi Jinping, President of the People's Republic of China

China has announced that any foreign corporation who acknowledges that Hong Kong exists will be banned from conducting business in the country.

The move came after a series of incidents in which the country exerted pressure on multinational corporations to retract, or avoid altogether, any display of solidarity with the people of Hong Kong during the months-long protest. Now, the Chinese Communist Party is going one step further.

“We thought we were clear on this,” said President Xi Jinping. “People continued making comments on social media and in the news, maybe not directly favouring Hong Kong but suggesting it is a different place, a country. Now, we will just make it simple. There is no Hong Kong. If you say the words H… those words, you and your company are banned from China.”

In recent weeks, China has sought to tighten its grip on the colony, even amongst the international community. Blizzard Entertainment recently banned a gamer who wore a mask to show solidarity with protesters, denying him his bounty from the tournament he had won. Then, after the general manager of the NBA’s Houston Rockets tweeted “stand with Hong Kong,” the country cancelled the broadcast of preseason NBA games.

Hong Kong, which has been renamed China Southeast Port Area of the People’s Republic of China, has seen months of protests in response to what some say are a series of actions aimed at secretly integrating China Southeast Port Area’s system into that of the mainland. The international response has been decidedly pro-Hong Kong, which has not been well-received by China.

“Westerners identify with Hong Kong more than the rest of China,” a protestor told The Super Important. “The government, economic system, European influence… it just makes more sense to them. That’s why we have received so much support.”

China is considering other options to crack down on sympathy as well, and is willing to leverage its greatest assets in order to do so. One proposal is to compel Apple to bundle its Xuexi Qiangguo (Study Powerful Country) propaganda app on all its devices globally or risk losing its entire supply chain. They have also proposed stopping the sale of Buicks, essentially putting the entire brand out of business.

The country has been equally forceful within its borders, with President Xi proclaiming that attempts to divide China “will end in crushed bodies and shattered bones.”

But Xi didn’t end there.

“We will not allow China’s enemies to be emboldened. We will take away their Facebook. Their Instagram. Their tweets, too. And if they find a way to get on YouTube, we will neither like nor subscribe.”

The Super Important has not yet confirmed that it has been banned in China.